I’m super-psyched about tonight’s ASSME Swag-a-thon, which I am pleased to have had a modest role in helping with along the way. What a great event - turning an incredible collection of stray, neglected items into one great resource going to benefit a great cause - Housing Works, to benefit homeless people living with HIV/AIDS. Also, it will be hiliarious.

Here’s Simon Dumenco’s great interview with Aaron Gell, ASSME founder and brain behind the Swag-a-thon idea; here’s David Carr’s writeup on Media Decoder; and here, for your swagging and possibly future-owning pleasure, is a list of my contributions to tonight’s festivities:

(a) Computer bag from Melissa Beth designs - hipster-stylin’, would fit in perfectly on the L train.  Also an adorable velveteen makeup case (puple!) and a super-cute velveteen laptop case (polka dots!) that is hard for me to part with but I already have a laptop bag, also Melissa Beth. She good.

(b) Milli Home Decor apron, from the Domino launch gift bag (still one of the best gift bags ever). Still in plastic. I don’t cook.

(c) “Bad Girls Club” promotional shot glass, tattoos and “instant party mix.” Oo-kay.

(d) Mercedes-Benz S-Klasse car model (still in box). Liberated from atop my microwave, just because. Why would I keep this? I have no answer for you.

(e) Kellog School of Management desk clock. Make visitors think you went to biz school! Comes with Kellog School of Management leather-bound coffee mug, too. (Spoke at conference.)

(f) Women’s Health “Ultimate Fat Burn!” video (unused, obviously.)

(g) Jill Stuart eau de parfum “Night Blooming Lily” (no clue where from)

(h) Chloe eau de toilette (not from swag, from an ex who got it free from his boss. I wear Hugo Woman.)

(i) Remnants of Thrillist Vegas gift bag (remember that? Oh look, Zombie Radar stripped me of my byline. Thanks, Zombie Radar! Go stalk the Octomom or something.)  Anyhow - for the rec, I did offer Balk the entire contents of the gift bag, which was declined. Here’s what’s left for you:

• Microsoft Zune. A really good gift unless it’s worth nothing.
• Obnoxious douchey Equinox dice in a drawstring bag. Think “sex dice,” except “gym/health dice.” Bleh.
• Cervesa things that are not handcuffs but look like handcuffs
• Jet Blue tote bag (handy! That’s the hardest topart with.)

(j)  Myriam Gallego bowling-ball leather purse (in my prize pack for being a “2008 Power Woman” for New York Moves magazine). I can see it on the L train too.

(k) Ethan Allan decorating book and silk/woven throw (in prety big box with a ribbon, also from Power Women thing). I do not decorate.

(l) California Country Style by Diane Dorrans Saeks  - big coffee table book. I do not have California country style.

(m) Pop Art Toaster - gently used (for a bagel, once or twice). It has plates that you can insert that will burn “bite me” and “i’m hot” into the bread. It is the stupidest thing ever. But, when you take the plates out, it is a functioning toaster, and it’s cute and round and white.

(n) Jimmy Carter, A Remarkable Mother - Enough said.

(o) Simon Doonan, Eccentric Glamour - despite this collection of items, I do not have that.

(p) Joy Behar and Friends, whatever that means - When You Need A Lift

(q) Bonnie Fuller, The Joys of Much Too Much - I have two. Having two of a book called “The Joys of Much Too Much” is pretty funny.

(r) Kathy Freston, The One: Finding Soul Mate Love And Making It Last. HuffPo swag.

(s) Arianna Huffington, On Becoming Fearless (Two copies, paperback, from when I schlepped a box to Toronto for an event. Enjoy!)

(t) Fareed Zakaria, The Post-American World (I got one for free after I bought it)

(u) “Go Green Huffington Post” tote bag. It’s hazy now, but I am pretty sure I brought recycling to the office. Ha.

(v) Terminatrix: The Sarah Palin Chronicles, Compiled by the editors of the Wasilla Iron Dog Gazette. Yes.

(w) Collector’s Item! 02138 “Power Couples” issue, featuring Eliot and Silda Spitzer, pre Emperor’s Club. Classic.

(x) Extra-large T-shirt featuring the Obama family, from Inauguration Day, from the streets of DC. Own a piece of history!

(y) A few CDs - Peter Gallagher (aka Sandy Cohen), “7 Days In Memphis”; OM Yoga Mix 2” (SO totally unopened); “Bioneers: Weaving The World VII.” Alas, I don’t have V and VI.

(z) A set of 3 Canadian maple leaf tea-candles. That’s just because I want to spread a little love from my homeland. Yay!

That’s it - a life in swag, from A to Z. Enjoy it, kids!