Hm. I wish someone had told me that rule. I’m 36. I would love to get married. But not to a nameless, shapeless groom-character, to an actual peson that I love. I can’t imagine being married right now but I have in the past, though not for a while. I just don’t need to be married the way articles like this posit. (I have had the option and declined it.) And I certainly don’t hate men. In fact, I think I like them better as I get older. But I also feel that way about women. Basically I like everything better now, because I know more and appreciate more and can tell the difference between what’s worth it and what’s not a little bit quicker. My 30s have been way better than my 20s were, and a lot of that has been due to experiences I couldn’t have had if I’d gotten married sooner.
To be honest, when I worry about not being married it’s in the context of wanting to give my parents grandchildren, and having kids that will have the experience of knowing their grandparents. Sometimes I worry about the math of getting older and having kids, and sometimes I worry that between the Diet Coke and the daily proximity of my laptop to my ovaries that I won’t be able to, anyway. Those are really the only moments of cold raw fear. I want kids. But see above - I can’t imagine having them yet. For one, I’d have to clean my apartment and that’s a mighty big hurdle.
I don’t love that I’m getting older, or that I’m older than many of the people I hang out with, but I am also glad of it because as idiotic as I am now, I was way more of a tool a decade ago. I don’t know. These articles never really strike a chord with me, they only make me want to pipe up and correct the record.
Un petit irony: I am home in Toronto and brought my sister a copy of an anthology I have an essay in. It’s called “30 Things To Do When You Turn 30” and my essay is all about how your thirties are so much better than your twenties because you’re smarter and cooler and have more money, and are probably better at sex. This does not mean that any of you out there in your 20s are not awesome; many of you are, which is why I enjoy hanging out with you. It just means that in five or eight or whatever years, you will be even better. That’s been my experience, at least. I like that message better.
How To Be Un-Married [NYO]
